THE ISLAMIC SUHAGRAAT (ETIQUETTES OF WEDDING NIGHT)

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The Etiquettes Of Marriage And Wedding Night

Sheikh Muhammad Naasirudden al-Albaani

Edited and Additions by TFR Admin

  

• Kindness toward you wife when you wish to enter into her
• Placing your hand on your wife's head and praying for her
• The praying of husband and wife together
• What to say at the time of making love
• How he should come to herPermissibility of Oral sex 
• The prohibition of sodomy
• Making Wudu between two acts with one's wife
• Bathing is perferable
• The bathing of husband and wife together
• Making Wudu after sex and before sleeping
• The ruling of this Wudu
• Making tayammum in a state of janaba instead of Wudu
• Bathing before sleeping is preferable
• The prohibition of sex when she is menstruating
• The penitence of one who has sex during menses
• What is permissible when she is on her period
• When it is allowed to resume sexual activity after menses
• The lawfulness of coitus interruptus
• It is preferable not to practise coitus interruptus
• What the two spouses should intend with their marriage
• What he should do the morning after his wedding night
• The house must have a place for bathing
• The prohibition of spreading bedroom secrets
• The obligation of a wedding feast
• The sunnah of a wedding feast
• Wedding feasts can be given with other than meat
• Participation of the wealthy in the feast with their wealth

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1. Kindness toward your wife when you wish to enter into her

It is desirable, when one goes into his wife on his wedding night, to show her kindness, such as presenting her with something to drink, etc. This is found in the hadith narrated by Asmaa' bint Yazid ibn As-Sakan who said: "I beautified 'As'ishah for Allaah's Messenger, then called him to come to see her unveiled. He came, sat next to her, and brought a large cup of milk from which he drank. Then, he offered it to 'Aa'ishah, but she lowered her head and felt shy. I scolded her and said to her: "Take from the hand of the Prophet." She then took it and drank some. Then, the Prophet said to her, "Give some to your companion." At that point, I said: "O Messenger of Allaah, rather take it yourself and drink, and then give it to me from your hand." He took it, drank some, and then offered it to me. I sat down and put it on my kness. Then, I began rotating it and following it with my lips in order that I might hit the spot from which the Prophet had drunk. Then, the Prophet said about some women who were there with me: "Give them some." But, they said: "We don't want it." (ie. we are not hungry). The Prophet said: "Do not combine hunger and fibbing!" [Ahmad and al-Humaidi. Ahmad reports it with 2 isnaads - one of which supports the other, and it is supported...]"

2. Placing your hands on your wife's head and praying for her

The husband should, at the time of consummating the marriage with his wife or before that, place his hand on the front part of her head, mention the name of Allah Most High, and pray for Allah's blessings. As in the statement of the Prophet: "When any of you marries a woman ... he should hold her forelock, mention Allah Most High, and pray for His blessings saying: "O Allaah, I ask You for the good in her and the good with which You have created her, and I seek refuge in You from the evil in her and the evil with which You have created her." {Allaahumma innee as'aluka min khairiha wa khairi maa jabaltaha 'alaihi wa a'oodhubika min sharriha wa sharri maa jabaltaha 'alaihi} [Aboo Dawood and others. Al-Bukhari in "Af'aalul-'Ibaad", Aboo Dawood, Ibn Majah, al-Haakim, al-Baihaqee and Aboo Ya'laa with hasan isnaad ...]

3. The praying of husband and wife together

It is desirable for the husband and wife to pray 2 rakaat together on their wedding night. This has been narrated from the earliest generation of Muslims, as in the following 2 narrations:

First: تزوّجت امرأۃ ۔ فکان عندی لیلۃ زفاف امرأتی نفر من أصحاب رسول اللہ صلّی اللہ علیہ وسلّم  ، فلمّا حضرت ت الصّ لاۃ أراد أبو ذرَ أن ینقّدم ، فیصلّی ، فجبذہ حذیفۃ وقال: ربّ البیت أحق بالصّ لاۃ ، فقال: لأبی مسعود : أکزلک ؟ قال: نعم ، قال أبو سعد: فتقدّ مت، فصلّیت بھم وأنا یو مئذ عبد، فأمر انی اذاأتیت با مرأتی أن أصلّی رکعتین ، وأن تصلّی خلفی ان فعلت۔۔   

On the authority of Abu Sa`eed Mawla Abu Asyad who said: "I got married while I was a slave. I invited a number of the companions of the Prophet, among them was Ibn Mas`ood, Abu Dharr and Hudhaifa (radhiallahu `anhum). When the prayer was called, Abu Dharr intended to lead and began to step forward but hudhayfa held him back and said to him: he owner of the house has the right to lead (as per the sunnah of the prophet)" !' Abu Dhar looking at Ibn Mas`ood inquired : 'Is it so?' And he said: 'Yes.' Then, I (Abu sa`eed) stepped forward and led the prayer though I was a bought slave (yet they honoured me in this way following the sunnah). They taught me, saying: 'When your wife comes to you, pray 2 rakaat. Then, ask Allaah for the good of that which has come to you, and seek refuge in Him from its evil. Then it is up to you and it is up to your wife.'"

[Ref: Al-Awsat li-Ibn Mundhir (4/156) and Ibn Abi Shaibah 2/217]

اذا تزوّ ج أحد کم ، فکان لیلۃ البناء، فلیصلّ رکعتین ولیأ مو ھا، فلتصلّ خلفہ، فانّ اللہ عزّ و جلّ جاعل فی البیت خیراً۔      

Salman farsi radhiallahu `anhu is reported to have said : " When anyone of your marries, on the night of marriage pray 2 rak`ah and make your wife pray behind you and (due to this) Allah will bless your house with goodness. "

[Ref: Kashful Ashtar 2/149 H: 1447; Al-Kaamil Li-Ibn `Adi (2/233) But this has been graded as weak. The narrator Hajjaj ibn farooq is weak. Dhahabi said ھذا حدیث منکر جدّا in Meezanul-`Itidaal (464)] 

  عَنِ الثَّوْرِيِّ، عَنِ الْأَعْمَشِ، عَنْ أَبِي وَائِلٍ قَالَ: جَاءَ رَجُلٌ مِنْ بَجِيلَةَ إِلَى عَبْدِ اللَّهِ، فَقَالَ: إِنِّي قَدْ تَزَوَّجْتُ جَارِيَةً بِكْرًا، وَإِنِّي قَدْ خَشِيتُ أَنْ تَفْرِكَنِي، فَقَالَ عَبْدُ اللَّهِ: إِنَّ الْإِلْفَ مِنَ اللَّهِ، وَإِنَّ الْفَرْكَ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ، لِيُكَرِّهَ إِلَيْهِ مَا أَحَلَّ اللَّهُ لَهُ، فَإِذَا أُدْخِلَتْ عَلَيْكَ فَمُرْهَا فَلْتُصَلِّ خَلْفَكَ رَكْعَتَيْنِ، قَالَ الْأَعْمَشُ: فَذَكَرْتُهُ لِإِبْرَاهِيمَ، فَقَالَ: قَالَ عَبْدُ اللَّهِ: وَقُلِ: اللَّهُمَّ بَارِكْ لِي فِي أَهْلِي، وَبَارِكْ لَهُمْ فِيَّ، اللَّهُمَّ ارْزُقْنِي مِنْهُمْ، وَارْزُقْهُمْ مِنِّي، اللَّهُمَّ اجْمَعْ بَيْنَنَا مَا جَمَعْتَ إِلَى خَيْرٍ، وَفَرِّقْ بَيْنَنَا إِذَا فَرَّقْتَ إِلَى خَيْرٍ

Second: On the authority of Shaqeeq who said: "A man named Abu Hareez came and said: 'I have married a young girl, and I am afraid that she will despise me.' 'Abdullah ibn Mas'ood said to him: "Verily, closeness is from Allaah, and hatred is from Shaitaan, who wishes to make despicable that which Allaah has allowed. So, when your wife comes to you, tell her to pray behind you 2 rakaat.'" In another version of the same story, " A’mash (rahimahullah) said, I mentioned this to Ibrahim (Nakha’i), so he said,  ‘Abdullah ibn Mas’ud also said [in du’a after the salah]: 

O Allah grant me barakah in my family, and grant them barakah from me, O Allah grant me [sustenance, children etc] from them, and grant them the same from me, O Allah keep us together for as long as you do, with goodness, and when you separate us, let it be towards good [conditions that follow

[Ref: Ibn Abi Shaibah and at-Tabaraani and 'Abdur-Razzaaq: Saheeh].

4. What to say at the time of making Love

When a Muslim man is about to enter his wife, he should always say first:

Bismillahi, Allahumma jannibnaa ash-shaitaan, wa jannib ash-shaitaan maa razaqtanna [In the name of Allah, O Allah, keep us away from the devil, and keep the devil away from that which You may grant us (ie. offspring).]

About this, the Prophet said: "After that, if Allah decrees that they will have a child, the devil will never be able to harm that child". [al-Bukharee]

FOOTNOTE:

[Some Scholars say that children are disobedient to their parents usually because the parents forget/forgot to say the above duaa before having sex. Ref from Salaf- us-Salih Page]

5. How he should come to her

It is allowed for a Muslim man to enter his wife in her vagina from any direction he wishes - from behind or from the front. About this Allaah revealed the following verse:

"Your wives are a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will" [al-Baqarah 2:223]

There are also various hadith on this subject, of which I will give only 2:

On the authority of Jaabir who said: "The Jews used to say that if a man entered his wife in the vagina but from behind, their child would be cross-eyed! Then Allaah revealed the verse: "Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will;" [al-Baqarah 2:223]. The Prophet said : "From the front or the back, as long as it is in the vagina". [Al-Bukharee and Muslim]

On the authority of Ibn 'Abbaas who said: "The Ansaar, who had been polytheists, lived with the Jews, who were people of the book. The former viewed the latter as being superior to them in knowledge, and used to follow their example in many things. The people of the book would only make love to their wives from the side, this being the most modest way for the woman, and the Ansaar had followed their example in that. These people from the Quraish, on the other hand, used to expose their women in an uncomely manner. They took pleasure in them from the front, from the back, or laid out flat. When the Makkans came to al- Madeenah at the time of the Hijrah, one of them married a woman from among the Ansaar, and began doing that with her. She disapproved of it and told him: "We used only to be approached from the side, so do that or stay away from me!" This dispute became very serious until it reached the ears of the Prophet. So Allaah, revealed the verse: "Your wives are as a tilth unto you, so approach your tilth when or how ye will;" [al-Baqarah 2:223] (ie. from the front, the back, or laid out flat). What is meant here is the entry which produces children." [Aboo Dawood, al-Haakim and others: Hasan isnaad and is supported].

Reported Abd Al Razzaq narrated Anas that the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) said: "When the husband has intercourse with his wife, he should be sincere with her. So, when he satisfies his need before she does, he should not hasten her." 

The Permissibility of Oral Sex

The prophet (sallalahu `alayhi wa sallam) said " Everything with which a man amuses himself is vain except three (things): a man's training of his horse, his playing with his wife, and his shooting with his bow and arrow…"

[Ref: Sunan Abi Dawud 2513]

It is permissible for the husband and wife to enjoy each others body, as Allaah says (which means): {They are Libas [i.e. body cover, or screen, or Sakan, (i.e. you enjoy the pleasure of living with her - as in Verse 7:189) Tafsir At-Tabari], for you and you are the same for them.}[Qur'an 2:187]. Allaah further says (which means): {Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how you will.}[Qur'an 2:223].

قال ابن قدامة المقدسي – رحمه الله - :

ويستحب أن يلاعِب امرأته قبل الجماع ؛ لتنهض شهوتُها ، فتنال من لذة الجماع مثل ما ناله ، وقد روي عن عمر بن عبد العزيز عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم أنه قال

( لا تواقعها إلا وقد أتاها من الشهوة مثل ما أتاك لكيلا تسبقها بالفراغ ، قلت : وذلك إليَّ ؟ نعم إنك تقبِّلها ، وتغمزها ، وتلمزها ، فإذا رأيتَ أنه قد جاءها مثل ما جاءك : واقعتها ) .

فإن فرغ قبلَها : كُره له النزع حتى تفرغ ؛ لما روى أنس بن مالك قال : قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه و سلم :

( إذا جامع الرجل أهله فليصدقها ، ثم إذا قضى حاجته : فلا يَعجلها حتى تقضي حاجتها )

؛ ولأن في ذلك ضرراً عليها ؛ ومنعاً لها من قضاء شهوتها

" المُغني " ( 8 / 136 ) .

Ibn Qudaamah al-Maqdisi (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 

It is mustahabb to engage in foreplay with one’s wife before intercourse, so as to arouse her and so that she will get the same pleasure from intercourse as he does. It was narrated from ‘Umar ibn ‘Abd al-‘Azeez from the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) that he said: “Do not have intercourse with her until she is aroused as you are, lest you finish before she finishes.” I [the narrator] said: Are you telling me? He said: “Yes; you should kiss her and touch her, until you see that she is aroused as you are, then have intercourse with her.” 

If he reaches climax before she does, it is not right for him to withdraw until she reaches climax, because of the report narrated by Anas ibn Maalik who said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “When a man has intercourse with his wife, let him pay proper attention to her. Then when he has fulfilled his desire, he should not withdraw from her until she has fulfilled her desire.” And because that may be harmful to her and prevent her from fulfilling her desire. 

[Ref: Al-Mughni, 8/136 ]

وكلا الحديثين ضعيفان ، لكنهما صحيحان فقهاً ، كما بينَّا .

Both hadeeths are da‘eef (weak), but they are correct in meaning, as we stated above. 

قال المناوي – رحمه الله - :

( إذا جامع أحدكم أهله ) أي : حليلته ، قال الراغب : وأهل الرجل في الأصل يجمعه وإياهم سكن ثم عبر به عن امرأته .

( فليصدقها ) بفتح المثناة وسكون المهملة وضم الدال ، من الصدق في الود والنصح ، أي : فليجامعها بشدة ، وقوة ، وحُسن فعل جماع ، ووداد ، ونصح ، ندباً .

( فإن سبقها ) في الإنزال وهي ذات شهوة :

( فلا يعجلها ) أي : فلا يحملها على أن تعجل فلا تقضي شهوتها ، بل يمهلها حتى تقضي وطرها كما قضى وطره ، فلا يتنحى عنها حتى يتبين له منها قضاء أربها ؛ فإن ذلك من حسن المعاشرة ، والإعفاف ، والمعاملة بمكارم الأخلاق والألطاف ... .

ويؤخذ من هذا الحديث وما بعده : أن الرجل إذا كان سريع الإنزال بحيث لا يتمكن معه من إمهال زوجته حتى تنزل : أنه يُندب له التداوي بما يبطئ الإنزال ؛ فإنه وسيلة إلى مندوب ، وللوسائل حكم المقاصد .

Al Mannaawi (may Allah have mercy on him) quoting the hadeeth said: 

The words {{“When one of you has intercourse with his wife, let him pay proper attention to her”}} i.e., let him have intercourse with her energetically and vigorously, doing it properly and with love and sincerity towards her. This is what is recommended. 

{{“If he finishes before her” }}i.e., if he reaches climax first and she is still aroused. 

{{“He should not withdraw from her”}} i.e., before she reaches climax and fulfils her desire; rather he should give her time so that she could fulfil her desire as he fulfilled his desire. So he should not move away from her until he is certain that she has fulfilled her desire, because that is part of kind treatment, keeping her chaste and being considerate towards her. 

From this hadeeth and others we learn that if the man is quick to reach climax, such that he cannot give his wife time to reach climax, it is recommended for him to seek treatment that will delay ejaculation, because this is a means of doing something recommended, and means come under the same ruling as ends. 

[Ref: Fayd al-Qadeer, 1/325 ]

The hadeeth Imam al Manawai is talking about is :

إِذَا جَامَعَ أَحَدُكُمْ أَهْلَهُ فَلْيَصْدُقْهَا، فَإِنْ سَبَقَهَا فَلَا يُعْجِلْهَا

“When one of you has intercourse with his wife, let him pay proper attention to her”, If he finishes before her, He should not withdraw from her”

[This ahadeeth has been quoted by Imam as-Suyooti; Jaami’ as-Sagheer (548), Albaanee in Da’eef al Jaami’ (450, 451) and Irawaa al-galeel (7/72); al-Haythami in Majmaa’ az-Zawaaid (4/298), Haafidh al-Iraaqi in Takhreej al-Ahyaa (2/65); Abu Haatim ar-Raazi in Daraaya (2/229); Ibn Hibban in al-Majrooheen (1/231) who declared this to be fabricated; Ibn ‘Adi in Kaamil fee Du’afa (2/265) who declared it to be Munkar; Ibn al-Jawzi in his Mawdoo’at (3/68) and others ]

A similar hadeeth says :

حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو هَمَّامٍ، حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ الْمَجِيدِ بْنُ عَبْدِ الْعَزِيزِ بْنِ أَبِي رَوَّادٍ، عَنِ ابْنِ جُرَيْجٍ، عَمَّنْ حَدَّثَهُ، عَنْ أَنَسِ بْنِ مَالِكٍ، قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: «إِذَا جَامَعَ أَحَدُكُمْ أَهْلَهُ فَلْيَصْدُقْهَا، ثُمَّ إِذَا قَضَى حَاجَتَهُ قَبْلَ أَنْ تَقْضِيَ حَاجَتَهَا فَلَا يُعْجِلْهَا حَتَّى تَقْضِيَ حَاجَتَهَا»

[Ref: Musnad Abi Ya'la 7/208]

A discussion on this can be found here : http://www.ahlalhdeeth.com/vb/showthread.php?p=632203

Jabir b. 'Abdullah (Allah be pleased with them) reported: We were with Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) in an expedition. When we returned I urged my camel to move quickly as it was slow. There met me a rider from behind me and he goaded it with an iron-tipped stick which he had with him. My camel moved forward like the best that you have ever seen. As I turned (my face) I found him to be Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) He said: Jabir, what hastens you? I said: Messenger of Allah, I am newly wedded. whereupon he said: Is it a virgin that you have married or one previously married? I said: With one previously married. He said: Why not a young girl so that you could play with her and she could play with you? Then when we arrived at and were about to enter Medina he said: Wait, so that we may enter by night (i. e. in the evening) in order that the woman with dishevelled hair may comb it, and the woman whose husband had been away may get herself clean; and when you enter (then you have the) enjoyment (of tho wife's company).

[Ref: Sahih Muslim, Book 8 – The Book of Marriage, Hadeeth 3462]

Ibn Qudaamah said:

“It is recommended for the man to caress and fondle his wife prior to intercourse in order to arouse her so that she would get as much pleasure from intercourse as he does…

And if he climaxes before her, it would be disliked for him to pull out until she climaxes… because that would otherwise cause her harm and prevent her from fulfilling her desires.”

[Ref: Al-Mughnee, 8/136]

Hasan Al-Basiri was asked if it was permissible for a husband to touch his wife while she is menstruating and he said:

لَا بَأْسَ إنْ بَلَغَتْ عَلَى بَطْنِهَا وَبَيْنَ فَخِذَيْهَا

There is no harm if she has reached puberty for him to touch her stomach or her thighs (i.e. to caress and play)

[Ref: Musnaf Ibn Abu Shaybah 3/366]

The prophet (s.a.w) also alluded to the validity of oral sex in this hadeeth :

حَدَّثَنَا آدَمُ، حَدَّثَنَا شُعْبَةُ، حَدَّثَنَا مُحَارِبٌ، قَالَ سَمِعْتُ جَابِرَ بْنَ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ، رضى الله عنهما يَقُولُ تَزَوَّجْتُ فَقَالَ لِي رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏"‏ مَا تَزَوَّجْتَ ‏"‏‏.‏ فَقُلْتُ تَزَوَّجْتُ ثَيِّبًا‏.‏ فَقَالَ ‏"‏ مَا لَكَ وَلِلْعَذَارَى وَلِعَابِهَا ‏"‏‏.‏ فَذَكَرْتُ ذَلِكَ لِعَمْرِو بْنِ دِينَارٍ فَقَالَ عَمْرٌو سَمِعْتُ جَابِرَ بْنَ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ يَقُولُ قَالَ لِي رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏"‏ هَلاَّ جَارِيَةً تُلاَعِبُهَا وَتُلاَعِبُكَ ‏"‏‏.‏

Narrated Jabir bin `Abdullah:

When I got married, Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said to me, "What type of lady have you married?" I replied, "I have married a matron' He said, "Why, don't you have a liking for the virgins and for fondling them?" Jabir also said: Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "Why didn't you marry a young girl so that you might play with her and she with you?'

[Ref: Saheeh Bukhaari, 5080]

1. Imam Malik and Maliki Faqihis permits oral sex :
Imam Maliks view on oral sex :

وقد روي عن مالك أنه قال: لا بأس أن ينظر إلى الفرج في حال الجماع وزاد في رواية: ويلحسه بلسانه

It is narrated from Malik : There is no problem in seeing the private parts of the wife and he also said to suck it with tongue.

[Ref: مواهب الجليل في شرح مختصر خليل ; vol 3 safa 406] 

Imam Maliks view on oral sex :

وقال في "مواهب الجليل شرح مختصر خليل": "قيل: لأصبغ: إن قوماً يذكرون كراهته: فقال من كرهه إنما كرهه بالطب لا بالعلم، ولا بأس به وليس بمكروه,.

The ulema who prohibit this don’t do so in accordance to ilm but in accordance to their (personal) disliking (of oral sex) 

2. The Classical Tafsir Scholar Abu Bakr Ibn ul Arabi Al Maliki al-Andalusi in his Quranic Tafsir he says :
قد اختلف الناس في جواز نظر الرجل إلى فرج زوجته على قولين: أحدهما: يجوز: لأنه إذا جاز له التلذذ فالنظر أولى ...
وقال أصبغ من علمائنا: يجوز له أن يلحسه - الفرج - بلسانه

The Scholars differed with regards to husband seeing the private parts of her wife :

One of them said : if taking pleasure is permissible then seeing her private parts is obviously permissible.

And Our Most Strictest Scholars said about this : It is permissible to touch and suck the privates parts of the wife with tongue.

[Ref: Tafsir al Quran Ibn ul Arabi Maliki 3/383.]



3. Hanafi School of thought :
قال ابن عابدين - الحنفي - في "رد المحتار": "سَأل أبو يوسف أبا حنيفة عن الرجل يمس فرج امرأته وهي تمس فرجه ليتحرك عليها هل ترى بذلك بأساً؟ قال: لا, وأرجو أن يعظم الأجر".

It was asked from Abu Hanifa by Abu Yusuf if a man touches the private parts of her wife and move it with his hand is there any problem in it ?

Abu Hanifa said ! no rather he will be given Great Sawab on It.

[Ref: Rad al Mukhtar 6/367]
And Similarly its also been permitted by Shafai and Hanbali Scholars.

In Fath al-Mu’in along with its commentary I’anat al-Talibin (vol. 3, pg. 386), a husband giving his wife oral sex is stated to be permissible. The text of Fath al-Mu’in is:

يجوز للزوج كل تمتع منها بما سوى حلقة دبرها ولو بمص بظرها اه

The text of I’anah is:

ولو كان التمتع بمص بظرها فإنه جائز

In Wasit (vol. 5, pg. 183) Imam Ghazzali mentioned:

فنقول يحل للرجل جميع فنون الاستمتاع ولا يستثنى عنه إلخ

In Rawdah (vol. 7, pg. 204) Imam Nawawi mentioned:

له جميع أنواع الاستمتاع إلا النظر إلى الفرج ففيه خلاف سبق في حكم النظر وإلا الإتيان في الدبر فإنه حرام ويجوز التلذذ بما بين الإليتين والإيلاج في القبل من جهة الدبر اه

The itlaq of Nawawi and Ghazzali’s statements indicates to oral sex being permissible.

A view of permissibility is also related in the Hanbali School with the added detail that it is disliked after intercourse, like what Mardawi mentions in his Insaf (vol. 20, pg. 61):

يجوز تقبيل فرج المرأة قبل الجماع ويكره بعده اه

In the Hanafi School we have found two views: 

1) makruh and 

2) not makruh, 

as mentioned in al-Fatawa al-Hindiyyah (vol. 5, pg. 453); and it is specific to wife giving husband. The text is:

في النوازل إذا أدخل الرجل ذكره في فم امرأته قد قيل يكره وقد قيل بخلافه كذا في الذخيرة اه

In conclusion, in our School oral sex is permissible. 

In short : allah has made husband and wife as clothings for each other. To derpive a couple from sharing intimacy in ways they like without a shar`i text explicit enough to prohibit from it is in my humble opinion oppression against the couple. The benefits and neccessity of sexual pleasure for a man and a woman are mutual and of high importance. To limit it and deem acts of caressing and oral pleasure as haraam or even makrooh based on personal ijtihaad or analogy ., more so acting against the permission given by many scholars permitting it is uncalled for. 

6. The Prohibition of Sodomy

It is forbidden for a Muslim man to enter his wife in her anus. This is understood from the verse quoted above (i.e. since a "planting ground" can only refer to a place where something might grow), and from the narrations cited above. There are also other hadith on the subject, among them:

First: On the authority of Umm Salama who said: "When the Muhajireen came to Ansaar at al-Madeenah, some of them married women from the Ansaar. The women of the Muhajireen used to lie on their faces (during intercourse), while the women of the Ansaar never did it that way. Then, one of the men of the Muhajireen wanted his wife to do that. She refused until such time as she could ask the Prophet about it. She went to the Prophet but was embarassed to ask the question, adn so Umm Salama asked him. Then the verse was revealed which says: "Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will;" [al-Baqarah 2:223]. The Prophet> said: "No! (not any way you wish) Except in one opening! (ie. the vagina)". [Ahmad, at-Tirmidhee and others : Saheeh]

Second: On the authority of Ibn 'Abbaas who said: "'Umar ibn Al-Khattaab came to the Prophet and said: 'O Messenger of Allaah, I am destroyed!' The Prophet asked: 'And what has destroyed you, O 'Umar?' 'Umar said: `I turned my mount around last night.' (An expression which means he has sexual intercourse with his wife penetrating the vagina while mounting her from the rear.) The Prophet gave him no answer and when the revelation came and the verse was revealed which says: "Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will;" [al-Baqarah 2:223] and the Prophet said: "From the front and from the back, just beware of her anus and her menses". [an-Nasaa'ee in "`Ishratun-Nisaa" with hasan isnaad, at-Tirmidhee and others].

Third: On the authority of Khuzaima ibn Thaabit who said: "A man asked the Prophet about entering women in the rear, or the entering by a man of his wife in her rear, and the Prohet answered: `Halaal (ie. permissible).' When the man turned to leave, the Prophet called him or ordered for him to be called back and said : "What did you say? In which of the 2 openings did you mean? If what you meant was from her rear and in her vagina, then yes. But if what you meant was from her rear and in her anus, then no. Verily Allaah is not ashamed of the truth - do not enter your wives in their anuses!" [as-Shaafi, al-Baihaqi and others: Saheeh]

Fourth: "Allaah does not look at one who comes to his wife in her anus". [an-Nasaa'ee: Hasan isnaad and supported in "al-'Ishrah"; at-Tirmidhee and Ibn Hibbaan].

Fifth: "Cursed are those who come to their wives in their anuses." [Aboo Dawood, Ahmad and others with hasan isnaad and is supported].

Sixth: "Whoever has sexual intercourse with a mentruating woman, or a woman in her anus, or approaches a soothsayer and believes what he is told has disbelieved in that which was revealed to Muhammad. [Aboo Dawood, at-Tirmidhee and others: Saheeh].

7. Making Wudu between 2 acts with one's wife

When a Muslim man has had sexual intercourse with his wife in the legal manner and then wishes to return another time, he should first perform Wudu, based on the statement of the Prophet : "When one of you comes to his wife and then wishes to return another time, let him perform Wudu between the 2 times (In another version, the same Wudu which he performs for prayer) for verily, it will invigorate his return."[Muslim, Ibn Abi Shaibah and others].

NOTE: The meaning of the above hadeeth is that when a person who has marital relations with his wife, then gets up for some work or etc, and after the work intends to enter upon her again,then in this case it is not obligatory but a sunnah to do wudu'. 

This hadith is not applicable or talking in regards to the number of times the man or woman ejaculates, i.e some misunderstand this hadith and take it to mean that every time a man ejaculates , he has to go make wudu', but this is not the case. The hadith is talking about a man who after having marital relations, gets up for some reason (say work) and after a while intends to enter upon his wife again, then it is a sunnah to do wudu'. 

8. Bathing is preferable

Bathing, however, is preferable to merely making Wudu in such situations. Abu Raafi' narrates: "That the Prophet made the rounds of all his wives one night, bathing in the house of each one. He (i.e. the narrator) asked the Prophet: "Couldn't you have just bathed once (i.e. at the end)? The Prophet answered : "This way is purer, cleaner and better". [Aboo Daawood, an-Nasaa'ee: Hasan in "al-'Ishrah", and others].

Note:  The meaning of the above hadeeth is that when a person who has marital relations with his wife, then gets up for some work or etc, and after the work intends to enter upon her again,then in this case it is not obligatory but a sunnah to do wudu' or ghusl. 

The prophet (s.a.w) might have done ghusl before entering each of his wives, because it is the right of the wife to have her husband smell good, and be clean when he approaches us, hence the prophet (s.a.w) said " it is cleaner and better" 

However, this hadith is not applicable or talking in regards to the number of times the man or woman ejaculates, i.e some misunderstand this hadith and take it to mean that every time a man ejaculates , he has to go make wudu', but this is not the case. The hadith is talking about a man who after having marital relations, gets up for some reason (say work) and after a while intends to enter upon his wife again, then it is a sunnah to do wudu' or ghusl. 

9. The Bathing of Husband and Wife together

It is permissible for the husband and wife to bath together in the same place even though he sees her private parts, and she sees his. This is established by a number of authentic hadith, among them:

On the authority of 'Aa'ishah (radiallahu anha) who said: "I used to bathe with the Prophet from a single container of water which was placed between us such that our hands collided inside it. He used to race me such that I would say: `Leave some for me, leave some for me!' She added: `We were in a state of Janaba (i.e. the state of having slept together).'"[Al-Bukharee and Muslim].

On the authority of Mu'aawiya ibn Haida, who said: "I said: `O Messenger of Allaah, which of our nakedness is allowed, and of which must we beware?' The Prophet answered, "Guard your nakedness except from your wife or those whom your right hand possesses." (So it is permissible for both spouses to look at and touch the body of his or her companion even the private parts). He said: `O Messenger of Allah, what about if the relatives live together with each other?' The Prophet answered : "If you can make sure that no one ever sees your nakedness, then do so." He said: `O Messenger of Allah, what about when one is alone?' The Prophet said: "Allah is more deserving of your modesty than are the people"."[Ahmad, Abu Dawood, at-Tirmidhee and others: Saheeh].

10. Making Wudu after Sex and before Sleeping

It is best for husband and wife not to sleep after having sex until they first perform Wudu. There are various hadith about this, among them:

First: On the authority of 'Aa'shah who said: "Whenever the Prophet wished to sleep or eat while in a state of Janaba (i.e. after having sex and before bathing), he would wash his private parts and perform Wudu as for prayer." [Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim].

Second: On the authority of Ibn 'Umar who said: "O Messenger of Allah, should we go to sleep in a state of janaba?" The Prophet answered: "Yes, after making wudhuu." [Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim]. In another version: "Perform Wudu and wash your private parts, and then sleep." [Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim]. And, in another version: "Yes, you can perform Wudu, sleep, and bathe whenever you want." [Muslim and al-Baihaqi]. And, in still another version: "Yes, and perform Wudu if you wish." (This last version proves that this Wudu is not obligatory.) [Ibn Khuzima and Ibn Hibban: Saheeh].

Third: On the authority of 'Ammaar ibn Yaasir, the Prophet said: "There are three which the angels will never approach: The corpse of a disbeliever; a man who wears perfume of women; and, one who has had sex until he performs Wudu." [Abu Dawood, Ahmad and others: Hasan].

11. The Ruling of this Wudhu' (is that it is not Obligatory but mustahab)

This Wudu is not obligatory, but is very highly and definitely commendable. This (i.e. its not being obligatory) is based on the hadith narrated by 'Umar in which he asked the Prophet: "Should we go to sleep in a state of janaba?" To which the Prophet answered: "Yes, and perform Wudu if you wish." [Ref: Ibn Hibbaan: Saheeh].

This is also supported by other hadith, among them a hadith narrated by 'Aa'ishah who said: "The Prophet used to sleep in a state of janaba without having touched water, until he would get up later and bathe." [Ref: Ibn Abi Shaiba, at-Tirmidhee, Abu Daawood and others: Saheeh].

In another version narrated by 'Aa'ishah , she said: ""He used to spend the night in a state of janaba until Bilal came in the morning to make the adhaan. Then, he would get up, bathe while I looked at the water dripping from his head, and go out. Then, I would hear his voice in the Fajr prayer. Then, he would remain fasting." Mutarrif said: "I said to Aamir: In the month of Ramadhaan?" He said: "Yes, in Ramadhaan and in other than Ramadhaan." [Ref: Ibn Abi Shaiba, Ahmad and others: Saheeh].

12. Making Tayammum in a state of Janaba instead of Wudu

It is also permissible to make Tayammum sometimes instead of Wudu before sleeping. This is based on a hadith of 'Aa'ishah in which she said: "When the Prophet was in a state of janaba and wished to sleep, he used to make Wudu or Tayammum." 

[Ref: Al-Baihaqi: Hasan]

13. Bathing before Sleeping is Preferable

Bathing however, is perferable to any of the above-mentioned possibilities as is clear in the hadith of `Abullaah ibn Qais who said: "I asked 'Ai'ishah : "What did the Prophet do when in a state of janaba? Did he bathe before sleeping or sleep before bathing?" She answered: "He did all of those things. Sometimes he bathe and then slept. And sometimes he performed Wudu and then slept." I said: "Praise be to Allah who made things flexible."[Muslim, Ahmad and Abu `Auwaana].

14. The Prohibition of sex when She is Menstruating

It is forbidden for a Muslim man to have sexual intercourse with his wife when she is menstruating. This is clear in the following verse of the Qur'an:

Allah says “They ask you concerning menstruation. Say: that is an Adha (a harmful thing for a husband to have a sexual intercourse with his wife while she is having her menses), therefore, keep away from women during menses and go not unto them till they are purified (from menses and have taken a bath)” [al-Baqarah 2:222]. 

There are also hadith about this, among them:

First: Prophet (s.a.w) said " And al-Tirmidhi (135) narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever has intercourse with a menstruating woman or with a woman in her back passage, or goes to a soothsayer, has disbelieved in that which was revealed to Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi. 

Second: On the authority of Anas ibn Malik, who said: "When one of their women has their period, the Jews used to put her out of the house, and they would not eat, drink, or sleep with her in the house. The Prophet was asked about this, and Allaah revealed the verse:

"They ask thee concerning women's courses. Say: They are a hurt and a pollution: so keep away from women in their courses, ...

Then the Prophet said: "Be with them in the house, and do everything except for intercourse itself." The Jews said: "This man wants to leave nothing which we do without doing something different." Then, Asyad ibn Hudair said: "O Messenger of Allah, verily the Jews says such-and-such, shoudl we not then have sexual intercourse during menstruation?" The Prophet's face changed such that they thought that he was enraged with them, so they left. As they were coming out, they saw a gift of milk being brought to the Prophet. The Prophet then sent someone after them to give them a drink of milk, so they felt that he was not actually angry with them." [Muslim, Abu 'Auwaana and Abu Daawood].

Scientific reasons for not having sex during Menses of post child birth bleeding 

Please visit : http://islamqa.info/en/ref/43028

15. The Fine for One who Has Sex during Menses

Whoever is overcome by desire and has sexual intercourse with his wife when she is menstruating and before she becomes clean must give the value of one dinar's weight of gold or about 4.25 grams (4.2315 to be more precise), or half that amount. This is based on a hadith narrated by 'Abdullaah ibn 'Abbaas from the Prophet in relation to one who enters his wife while she is on her period as follows: "Let him give one dinar in charity, or one half dinar."

[Ref : Ahmad (2032), Abu Dawood (264), al-Tirmidhi (135), al-Nasaa’i (289) and Ibn Majaah (640) ,At-Tabaraani and others: Saheeh]. , At-Tabaraani and others: Saheeh].

16. What is Permissible when She is on her Periods

It is allowed for him to enjoy pleasure with his wife in any way except for her private parts when she is on her period. There are several hadiths about this: First: "and do everything except intercourse itself." 

[Ref: Muslim, Abu 'Auwaana and Aboo Daawood]

Second: On the authority of 'Aa'ishah who said: "When we were on our periods, the Prophet used to order us to put on a waist cloth that her husband can then lie with her." One time she said: "... her husband can then fondle and caress her." [Ref: al-Bukhaaree, Muslims and others].

Third: On the authority of one of the wives of the Prophet who said: "When the Prophet wanted something from one of his wives who was on her period, he put a cloth over her private parts, and then did whatever he wanted." [Ref: Abo Daawood: Saheeh]

17. When is it Allowed to resume Sexual Activity after Menses?

When she becomes clean of any menstrual blood, and the flow stops completely, it is allowed for them to resume sexual activity after she washes the place where the blood had been, or performs Wudu, or takes a complete bath. Whichever of these three alternatives she does makes it allowed for them to resume sexual activity, based on Allaah's statement in the Qur'an:

"But when they have purified themselves, ye may approach them in any manner, time, or place ordained for you by Allah. For Allah loves those who turn to Him constantly and He loves those who keep themselves pure and clean." [Al-Baqarah 2:222]

This is the position of Ibn Hazm, 'Ataa, Qatadah, al-Awzaa'ee and Daawud az-Zaahiree and of Mujaahid: as Ibn Hazm says: "All three of these are a purification - so whichever of them she uses after the cessation of her periods, then she is lawful for her husband."

The same term is used to mean washing the private parts in the Aayah revealed concerning the people of Qubaa:

"In it are men who love to be purified; and Allah loves those who make themselves pure." [at-Tawbah 9:108]

There is nothing here in the Aayah however, or in the Sunnah, to restrict the Aayah in question to any of the three meanings - and to do so requires a further proof.

18. The Lawfulness of Coitus Interruptus (i.e withdrawing oneself before ejaculating the sperm inside the vagina)

(Withdrawl of the penis from the vagina at the time of ejaculation with the purpose of avoiding impregnation. This can be done only with the permission of one's wife).

It is allowed for a Muslim man to practise coitus interruptus with his wife. There are several hadith about this:

First: On the authority of Jaabir who said: "We were practising coitus interruptus, and the Qur'an was being revealed." [al-Bukhaaree and Muslim]. In another version, he said: "We used to practise coitus interruptus in the lifetime of the Prophet. This reached the Prophet, and he did not prohibit us from doing it." [Ref: Muslim, an-Nasaa'ee and at-Tirmidhee].

Second: On the authority of Abu Sa'eed al-Khudhriy, who said: "A man came to the Prophet and said: "I have a young girl (right-hand possession), and I practise coitus interruptus with her. I want that which men want, but the Jews claim that coitus interruptus is minor infanticide." The Prophet said: "The Jews have lied, the Jews have lied. If Allaah wished to create a child, you would not be able to prevent it." [Ref: An-Naasaa'ee in al-'Ishrah: Abu Dawood and others: Saheeh].

Third: On the authority of Jaabir, a man came to the Prophet and said: "I have a slave girl who serves us and waters our date trees. Sometimes I go to her, but I dislike that she should become pregnant by me". The Prophet said: "use coitus interruptus if you like, but whatever has been ordained for her will come." After some time, the man again came to the Prophet and said: "She has become pregnant!" The Prophettold him: "I told you that whatever has been ordained for her will come." [Ref: Muslim, Abu Dawood and others].

19. It is Preferrable not to Practice Coitus Interruptus.

It was related by Imam Ahmad and Ibn Majah on the authority of `Umar ibn Al-Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him) that he said:  The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) forbade the practice of coitus interruptus (Withdrawing the penis before ejaculation or withdrawing the penis at all) with a free woman, except with her permission (so as to give her the right to enjoy) 

[Ref: Ahmad Vol.1 Pg. 31, Ibn Majah Vol.1 Pg. 620 no. 1928, Al Fasawy, Al Ma'rifah wa Al Tarikh Vol.1 , Pg. 385, Verified : Akram Diya' Al-'Umary, Al Bayhaqi Vol. 7, pg 231 ] 

It was also compiled by `Abdul-Razzaq in his (Musanaf) in addition to Al-Bayhaqy on the authority of Ibn `Abbas (may Allah be pleased with both of them) that he said:  It is forbidden to practice coitus interruptus with a free woman except with her permission 

[Ref: Musannaf Abdurr Razzaq Vol. 7 Pg 143, no. 12562 and Al Bayhaqi Vol. 7, pg 231 ] 

Not practising coitus interruptus is preferable for a number of reasons which are en

First: It is harmful for the woman, since it reduces her pleasure by cutting it short. If she agrees to it, it still contains the following negetive points.

Second: It negates part of the purpose of marriage which is enlarging the Muslim nation through offspring, as in the statement of the Prophet: "Marry the loving and fertile, for I will compete with the other Prophets with the number of my followers."

[Ref: Abu Dawood, an-Nasaa'ee and others: Saheeh].

This is why the Prophet once referred to it as "minor infanticide" (and not because it is forbidden as infanticide is forbidden) when asked about it saying: "That is minor infanticide". [Ref: Muslim, Ahmad and al-Baihaqi].

For this was preferable in the hadith narrated by Abu Sa'eed al-Khudhriy saying: "Coitus Interruptus was mentioned in the presence of the Prophet and he said: "Why would one of you do that? (note he did not say "let none of you do that") Allah is the Creator of every single soul." [Muslim]. In another version, he said: "You act and you act. There are no people destined to be from now until the day of Qiyama but that all of them will be." [Ref: Muslim]

20. What the two Spouses should Intend with their Marriage

Both spouses should enter into marriage with the following intentions: freeing themselves of unfulfilled sexual desires, and protecting themselves from falling into that which Allaah has forbidden (i.e. adultery and fornication). What's more, a reward as the reward for sadaqa (voluntary giving of charity) is recorded for them every time they have sex. This is based on the following hadith of the Prohpet narrated by Abu Dharr: "Some of the companions of the Prophet said to him: 'O Messenger of Allaah, the affluent among us have taken the rewards (of the hereafter)! They pray as we pray, fast as we fast, and then they give charity from the surplus of their wealth!" The Prophet said: "Did Allaah not make for you that from which you can give sadaqa? Verily for every time you say Subhannallah (Exalted is Allah) there is a sadaqa, and for every time you say Allahuakbar (Allah is Most Great) there is a sadaqa, and for every time you say Al-Hamdulillah (Praise is to Allah) there is sadaqa, and in every act of enjoining what is right there is sadaqa, and in every act of forbidding what is wrong there is a sadaqa, and in your sexual relations there is a sadaqa." The Companions said: "O Messenger of Allaah , is there a reward for one of us when he satisfies his sexual desire?" The Prophet said: "Don't you see, if he had satisfied it with the forbidden, would there not have been a sin upon him?" They said: "Why, yes! He said: "In the same way, when he satisfies it with that which is lawful, there is for him in that a reward." 

[Ref: Muslim, an-Nasaa'ee in al-'Ishrah, and Ahamd].

21. What he should do the Morning After His Wedding Night

It is desireable for the husband to go to his relatives who came to visit him in his house, on the following morning, to give them greetings and pray for them. It is also desireable for them to do likewise for him, as in the following hadith narrated by Anas :

"The Messenger of Allaah gave a feast on the morning of his wedding night with Zainab, at which he fed the Muslims to satisfaction on bread and meat. Then, he went out to the Mothers of the Believers (i.e. to his other wives), gave them greetings and prayed for them, which they returned in kind. This is the way he used to do on the morning after a wedding night." [Ibn Sa'd and an-Nasaa'ee: Saheeh].

22. The House must have a Place for Bathing

The married couple must have a place to bathe in their house, and the husband must not allow his wife to go to the public bath houses. This is forbidden, and there are various hadith about it, among them:

First: On the authority of Jaabir who said: "The Prophet said: "Whoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him not allow his wife to go to the Public baths. Whoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him not go to the baths except with a waist-cloth. And whoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him never sit at a table at which intoxicants are being circulated." [Al-Haakim, at-Tirmidhee and others: Saheeh]

Second: On the authority of Umm ad-Dardaa' who said: "I came out of the public bath and I met Allaah's Messenger who said to me: 'From where have you come O Umm Dardaa'?' I said: 'From the baths'. Then he said: "By the One in whose hand is my soul, every woman who removes her clothes anywhere except the house of one of her mothers has torn down all that veils her before ar-Rahman." [Ahmad : Saheeh]

Third: On the authority of Abu al-Maleeh who said: "Some women from Ash-Shaam entered upon 'Aa'ishah and said: "Where are you from?" The women answered: "We are of the people of Ash-Shaam (the area of present-day Syria )." 'Aa'ishah said: "Are you perhaps from that district which allows its women to enter the public baths?" The said: "Yes". She said: "As for me, I heard the Messenger of Allaah say: "Every woman who removes her clothes other than in her house has torn down all veils of modesty between herself and Allaah." [at-Tirmidhee, Abu Dawood and others: Saheeh]

23. The Prohibition of Spreading Bedroom Secrets

It is forbidden for either the husband or the wife to spread any of the secrets of their bedroom to anyone outside. The following two hadith are about this:

First: "Verily among the worst people before Allaah on the Day of Judgement is a man who approaches his wife sexually and she responds and then he spreads her secrets." [Muslim, Ibn Abi Shaiba, Ahmad and others].

Second: "On the authority of Asmaa bint Yazid who narrated "that she was once in the presence of the Prophet and there were both men and women sitting. The Prophet then said: "Perhaps a man might discuss what he does with his wife, or perhaps a woman might inform someone what she did with her husband?" The people were silent. Then I said: "O, Yes! O Messenger of Allaah verily both the women and men do that." Then the Prophet said: "Do not do that. It is like a male shaitaan who meets a female shaitaan along the way, and has sex with her while the people look on!" [Ahmad: Hasan or Saheeh due to supports]

24. The Obligation of a Wedding Feast (Waleema)

The husband must sponsor a feast after the consummation of the marriage. This is based on the order of the Prophet to 'Abur-Rahman ibn 'Auf to do so, and on the hadith narrated by Buraida ibn At-Haseeb, who said: "When 'Ali sought the hand of Faatimah (the Prophet's daughter) in marraige, he said that the Prophet said: "A wedding (and in another version "a bridegroom") must have a feast." The narrator said: "Sa'ad said: '(a feast) of a sheep.' Someone else said: 'Of such and such a quantity of corn." [Ahmad and at-Tabaraani: Its isnaad is acceptable as al-Haafiz Ibn Hajr says in Fathul-Baaree: 9/188]

25. The Sunnah of the Wedding Feast

The following should be observed with regard to the wedding banquet:

First: It should be held ('aqb - Fathul Baaree: 9/242-244) three days after the first wedding night, since this is the tradition of the Prophet which has reached us. On the authority of Anas who said: "The Prophet entered upon his wife and sent me to invite some men for food." [al-Bukhaaree and al-Baihaqi]. Also on the authority of Anas, he said: "The Prophet married Safiya, and her freedom (from being a slave, as she was received during the battle of khandaq) was her dowry (Mahr). He gave the feast for three days." [Abu Ya'laa and others: Hasan].

Second: One should invite the righteous to his banquet whether they be rich or poor. The Prophet said: "Do not be the friend of any except (the) believers, and have only the pious eat your food." [Abu Dawood, at-Tirmidhee and others: Saheeh].

Third: If one is able, he should have a feast of one or more sheep. Based on the following hadith, Anas said: "Abdur-Rahmaan came to al-Madeenah, and the Prophet assigned Sa'ad ibn Ar-Rabee' al-Ansaariy as his brother. Sa'ad took him to his house, called for food, and they both ate. The Sa'ad said: "O my brother, I am the wealthiest of the people of al-Madeenah (in another version: "... of the Ansaar"), so look to half of my property and take it (in another version: "... and I will divide my garden in half"). Also, I have two wives (and you, my brother in Allaah, have no wife), so look to which of mine pleases you more, so I can divorce her for you. Then upon the completion of the prescribed waiting period, you may marry her." 'Abdur-Rahmaan ibn awf said: "No, by Allaah, may Allah bless you in your family and your property. Show me the way to the market-place."And so they showed him the way to the market-place and he went there. He bought and he sold and he made a profit. In the evening , he came back to the people of his house with some dried milk for cooking and some ghee. After that some time elapsed, until he appeared one day with traces of saffron on his garments. The Prophet said to him: "What is this?" He said: "O Messenger of Allaah, I have married a woman among the Ansaar." The Prophet answered: "What did you give her for her dowry?" He answered: "The weight of five dirhams in gold." Then, the Prophet said: "May Allaah bless you, give a feast if only with one sheep." 'Abdur-Rahmaan said: "I have seen myself in such a state that if I were to lift a stone, I would expect to find some gold or silver under it." Anas said: "I saw after his death that each of his wives inherited one hundred thousand Dinars." [Al-Bukhaaree, an- Nasaa'ee and others].

Also on the authority of Anas he said: "I never saw the Prophet sponsor such a wedding feast as the one he gave for Zainab. He slaughtered a sheep and fed everyone meat and bread until they ate no more (i.e they ate to their full)." [Al-Bukhaaree, Muslim and others].

26. Wedding Feasts can be given with Other than Meat

It is allowed to give the wedding banquet with any food which is available and affordable, even if that does not include meat. This is based on the following hadith narrated by Anas: "The Prophet stayed between Khaibar and al-Madeenah for three days during which he had entered with his wife Safiya . Then I invited the Muslims to his Wedding feast. There was neither meat nor bread at his feast. Rather, leather eating mats were brought out and on them were placed dates, dried milk, and clarified butter. The people ate their fill." [Al-Bukhaaree, Muslim and others].

27. Participation of the Wealthy in the Feast with their Wealth

It is commendable for the wealthy to help in the preparations for the wedding feast based on the hadith narrated by Anas about the Prophet's marriage to Safiya: "Then, when we were on the road, Umm Sulaim prepared her (Safiya) for him (the Prophet and brought her to him at night, and so the the Prophet awoke the next morning a new bridgegroom. Then he said: "Whoever has something, let him bring it." (In another version, he said "Whoever has an excess of provisions, let him bring it.") Anas continues: "And so the leather eating mats were spread out and one man would bring dried milk, another dates and another clarified butter and so they made Hais (hais is a mixture of the above three things). The people then ate of this hais and drank from pools of rainwater which were nearby, and that was the wedding feast of the Prophet." [Al-Bukhaaree, Muslims and others].

Other than this the following famous detailed book is well known by Mahmoud M Al-Istamblli titled " Tuhfat al-`Arous (the Bride's boon) : 

Table of Contents 

• Foreword

• Introduction

• Marriage is an Act of Worship

– Marriage as Allah’s Favor

– The superiority of Marriage

– Chastity

– Women Are on the Top of Worldly Enjoyment

– Misconception of Worship

• Before Marriage

– Righteousness and Marriage

– Adulterers only Marry Each Other

– Beware of Outer Appearance

– Looking at One’s Prospective Partner

– Medical Check up before Marriage

– Undercutting Another’s Betrothal

– The Constant Love and the Blooming Marriage

– Marrying Young Ladies

– A Woman’s Guardian

• Islam and Love

– Marriage, the Best Bond for the Lovers

– Hard Love

• Blessed Marriage

– The Bride’s Consent Before Marriage

– The Woman’s Right to Marry a Suitable Match of Her Choice

– The Presentation of Ones Daughter (for Marriage) To a Religious Man

– The Bride’s Dowry

– A Proposal of Marriage

– The Necessity of Giving the Dowry

– The Address While Marriage Proposal

• Recommendations before Marriage

• In the Bed room

– Caressing One’s Wife When the Consummation of Marriage with Her

– What a Husband Says on the First Day of Marriage

– Women’s Speech

– What a Husband Says upon the First Time to Have Sexual Intercourse with His Wife

– The Prohibition of Spreading Bedroom Secrets

– What a Husband Does on the Next Day of Marriage

– How Does a Husband Approach His Wife

– Reward Even While Having Sexual Intercourse

– Reward for Those Who Have Sexual Intercourse with Their Wives on Fridays

– Sodomizing One’s Wife

– Guarding One’s Nakedness Except from His wife

– Intercourse with One’s Wife during Menstruation

– One’s Privacy before his Wife

– Wash Yourself for Another Sexual Approach

– The House Must Have a Place for Bathing

– Disaffecting a Person’s Wife

• Caressing

– Caressing One’s Wife

– Caressing One’s wife Even While Menstruation

– The Bathing of Husband And Wife together

– The Superiority of Caressing One’s wife

– Having Sexual Intercourse With One’s Wife While

– Fasting in Ramadan

– The Prophet, the Funny Husband

• The Wedding Banquet

– The Wedding Banquet

– The Obligation of Accepting the Wedding Banquet

– Not Accepting the Wedding Banquet If One sees something disapproved of (from the standpoint of religion) in the party

– Supplication While the Wedding Banquet

• Take Care of Women

– Kind Treatment of One’s Wife

– How to Deal with a Wife Whom You Dislike

– Forbearing One’s Wife

– The Exhortation of Taking Care of Women

– The High Rank of woman in Islam

• Advantages and Disadvantages

– Beautiful Women in Paradise

– o The Description of a Righteous Woman

– Undesirable Woman

– The Ideal Wife

– The Prophet, the Faithful Husband

• Rights and Duties

– The Wife’s Rights

– Deserting One’s Wife for a Long Time

– The Wife as a Friend

– The Husband’s Right towards his Wife

– A Woman’s Voluntary Fasting

– The Superiority of Maintaining One’s Husband

– The Heavenly Wives Defending Their Husbands

– The Reward of Obeying One’s Husband

– Take Care of Women

– The Responsibility of the Spouse Towards Each Other

– The Political and Military Goals of Marriage

– Evidence of the Prophecy

• Marriage Is Enjoyment and Responsibility

– The Marital Life Is Not Just for Pleasure

– From the Arms of His Bride to the Battlefield

– How Islam Brings up the Woman

– Women and knowledge

– The Leisure Time

– Characteristics of the Leaders Wives

– The Prophet As A Serious Husband

– The Ascetic Life of the Prophet

– The Superiority of the Perseverance of One’s Wife

– Maintaining One’s Wife

– The Reward of Maintaining One’s Children

– A Miser Husband

– Having Many Children

– Giving the Call to Prayer in the Ears of the Newborn Baby

– Sacrifice for A Newborn and Circumcision

– Name-Giving

– The Prophet As A Kind Father

– Changing Silly Names

– The Tribulation of Children

– Islam and Girls

– The Reward of Taking Care of Girls

– Women and Teaching

– Maintaining the Woman’s Health

– Educational Principles

– Bringing up One’s Children

– When should a Child Be Ordered to Perform the Prayer

– Lying to One’s Children

– Equality Among Children

– Kind Treatment to One’s Children

– The Reward Granted to the Parents Who Have a Dead Child

– Intercession of Children for their Parents

– A Wife Should Relieve the Misfortune of Her Husband

– Obedience to One’s Parents

• The Tribulation of Women

– Cherchez la femme

– The seriousness of sex

– Non segregation of sexes and staying in seclusion with woman

– O Wife Be Ware!

– A gaze Is one of Satan’s Arrows

– The Clear Truth

– A Wife Should Satisfy Her Husband as Quick as Possible

• Family and Dangers

– The Husband’s Relatives and Friends

– Beware of the Display of Woman’s Body

– Women Imitating Men and Vice Versa

– Negative showing off

– The Prohibition of Imitating the Unbelievers

– Chaste people Are under Allah’s Shade

– The Reward of Chastity

– Do Not Approach Adultery

– Sexual Relation in Paradise

– Repentance

• Jealousy Consumes Love

– Jealousy

• A Feather in the Wind

– A wife Is Rebellion Against her Husband

– A Husband Is Rebellion Against His Wife

– Arbitration

• Sex: Questions and Answers

– Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex

• Translator’s Postscript

Download for free: 

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